Tuesday, November 22, 2011
To All of My Followers......
Please take time to read my new blog located at http://isgaryaman.blogspot.com/ because something happened that has caused me to think. No man, woman or child should ever have to endure what I went thru on the night of October 29th, 2011.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Can't believe this happened.......
In all my days, I never would have imagined that one of my own family members would say that I am the product of the deveil because I am "ho mo sex u al" as he stressed it in his dumb ass backwoods twang. I guess I should have expected it from one of my 2 sisters and 4 brothers when they found out I was gay.
But you know what, I have lived my life far too long caring what others thought, but not any longer. I have been here in Southern California while my so called family have been in Texas living their miserable lives. I have not talked to my brother, Todd, in quite awhile and because he has been brained washed by the church he goes to that is expected. I mean, he had to repeat the 6th grade 4 times and I even passed him by 1 grade when he was coerced into attending the the fake as hell school at his so-called church.
Well enough about that, what ever you want to call that thing of a brother, I am glad that ai came out at work and to several other people. I even came out tonight to one of my classmates from school. He said he considered me one of the smartestbookworms in the class and had no idea that I was gay until he saw my video on youtube http://youtu.be/cakb2PySEKo, I do not know how he could have missed the signs on my facebook page.
People asked me, how come I decided to come out at work when everyone already knew I was gay. My response to him was that I was not aware that everyone knew. I only told 2 people several years ago and they swore to never tell anyone on my behalf. Even my own boss stated that he thought everyone knew. I also took a big step and came out to the faculty and administrators at the community college that I teach at part-time and received a huge response of support.
I have been reading where some people are still struggling with coming out to thier loved ones and friends, but if they remain patient, the time will come when they will feel comfortable telling the people they care about the most. Every gay individual must decide when it is right for them to come out of the closet. I did not really start coming out of the closet until my mid to late twenties, where as kids today are coming out in the early to mid teens, and to them I say congratulations for having the courage to come out at a young age that I did not have.
It is a shame that in this day and age that people must hide who they truly are because of the biggotry, hatred and stupidity of other humnan beings on this planet known as Earth. Every individual is created the same, a man and woman had sex and had a child together. That child knows no hate when he or she is born, it comes from the parents that are raising the child to believe in their beliefs instead of developing his or her own beliefs as they grow up into fine specimans of human beings on this planet that GOD created for everyone.
Well that is enough of me on my high horse, I hope that everyone is comfortable with coming out at thier own pace because not all of us are like Randy Phillips and come out to our dad on youtube, which by the way, I am very proud of him for doing something that I never had the courage to do. Until I saw his videos, I was considering suicide because I was tore up on the inside that I never had the opportunity to tell my dad that I was gay because I was afraid that the new would kill him due to his bad heart. I was able to finally tell my dad that I was gay in my thoughts and wishes that he would hear me from heraven...
But you know what, I have lived my life far too long caring what others thought, but not any longer. I have been here in Southern California while my so called family have been in Texas living their miserable lives. I have not talked to my brother, Todd, in quite awhile and because he has been brained washed by the church he goes to that is expected. I mean, he had to repeat the 6th grade 4 times and I even passed him by 1 grade when he was coerced into attending the the fake as hell school at his so-called church.
Well enough about that, what ever you want to call that thing of a brother, I am glad that ai came out at work and to several other people. I even came out tonight to one of my classmates from school. He said he considered me one of the smartestbookworms in the class and had no idea that I was gay until he saw my video on youtube http://youtu.be/cakb2PySEKo, I do not know how he could have missed the signs on my facebook page.
People asked me, how come I decided to come out at work when everyone already knew I was gay. My response to him was that I was not aware that everyone knew. I only told 2 people several years ago and they swore to never tell anyone on my behalf. Even my own boss stated that he thought everyone knew. I also took a big step and came out to the faculty and administrators at the community college that I teach at part-time and received a huge response of support.
I have been reading where some people are still struggling with coming out to thier loved ones and friends, but if they remain patient, the time will come when they will feel comfortable telling the people they care about the most. Every gay individual must decide when it is right for them to come out of the closet. I did not really start coming out of the closet until my mid to late twenties, where as kids today are coming out in the early to mid teens, and to them I say congratulations for having the courage to come out at a young age that I did not have.
It is a shame that in this day and age that people must hide who they truly are because of the biggotry, hatred and stupidity of other humnan beings on this planet known as Earth. Every individual is created the same, a man and woman had sex and had a child together. That child knows no hate when he or she is born, it comes from the parents that are raising the child to believe in their beliefs instead of developing his or her own beliefs as they grow up into fine specimans of human beings on this planet that GOD created for everyone.
Well that is enough of me on my high horse, I hope that everyone is comfortable with coming out at thier own pace because not all of us are like Randy Phillips and come out to our dad on youtube, which by the way, I am very proud of him for doing something that I never had the courage to do. Until I saw his videos, I was considering suicide because I was tore up on the inside that I never had the opportunity to tell my dad that I was gay because I was afraid that the new would kill him due to his bad heart. I was able to finally tell my dad that I was gay in my thoughts and wishes that he would hear me from heraven...
Monday, October 10, 2011
My Past, Present and Where I am...
My Path to who I am….
Being the youngest of eight children raised by one parent is hard enough, but being the only gay child makes it even harder. Living in Southeast Texas in an all-white town that pretty much had a church everywhere you looked (churches outnumbered convenient stores and still do) is hard if you are gay because of the fact that you would not be accepted as to who you really are.
I had to grow up most of my teen years in fear that someone would find out that I was gay because I was hearing people talk about how and what they would do to someone that was gay. All throughout school, I had to hide who I was, and it hurt a lot knowing that I was not allowed to be myself. I did have a relationship with someone a few grades higher than me, but it was in secrecy and only lasted until he moved away.
In 1983, I had reached a point in my life that I was tired of all of the bullying because I did not play sports, participate in any extra-curricular activities, or because they “thought”, I was gay and was going to kill myself. On the day that I was going to take my own life, someone that I thought would never talk to me because they were the class president and very popular, came up to me in the hallway and started talking to me about how we needed to talk. We went to a quiet part of campus where he began to tell me that he knew something was not right and wanted to know what it was. I told him that I did not know what he was talking about, but he stopped me and said, “Listen here, if you take your own life, you will not only be hurting those that love you but everyone else as well because your life is too important to end like that.” I told him that he was mistaken, but I could tell in his face that he knew what I was planning. I broke down crying, he held me and told me to let it all out, and that everything would be ok. He promised to never tell anyone about what we discussed, and to this day, I still believe he has kept that a secret.
After that moment in my life, I became more sociable, got involved with football, track as a student trainer, and ended up getting a Letterman’s jacket my senior year. I will always be thankful to Andy (not his real name) for what he did for me that one day in 1983.
Here it is 2011 and I have had some relationships that have not lasted, but who hasn’t had that happen to them, I am working in a great state, have great friends and “adopted” family members, as I do not have much interaction with my family as they all live in another state. The family members that do know that I am gay do not have a problem with it, but the rest do. It meant the world to me to get a call from my nephew (who is 34 now) telling me that he loved me and that I will always be his Uncle, no matter what. However, I am not happy when I should be because I know that I am missing something in my life. Despite that, I know that one day I will find what is missing and will love that someone with all my heart, because I do know that “IT GETS BETTER” and that things will improve.
So if you are reading this and you are a teen that is considering drastic measures, please talk to someone or send me a message and I will listen to you. In addition, if you are not a teen, it goes for you as well. I know this as much as I know my name is Gary Patton, who resides in Southern California. I am proud to be a GAY male in the United States of America, and that is who I am. As for my adopted family, I love you all for accepting me as who I am, I may not be black like you, but you make feel as if I am a member of your black family and will be always. To my real family, love you too. Love you mom and dad as you look down upon me from heaven.
I would like to thank some people who I consider friends from twitter: @CodyRay0720, @essence1971, @OnMyWayOut22 “Jonny”, @unextr “Todd”, @aRealBen, @spdougan, @Strooper1, @canthisberight, @wbent1, @norcalj, @x1Prince “Marcus”, @1234coolcody “Cody”, and @whoami2you for their support - guys you have supported me without even knowing it - Thank you.
The following people are also considered friends and have given me some extra encouragement and support that has given me the strength to work on this blog and my YouTube channel http://youtu.be/cakb2PySEKoand I would like to send a special Thank you to them: @nmcb7433 “Andrew”, @Sam87L“Sam”, @brandonshire1 “Brandon”, @justin_jboogie “Justin”, @Strathius, @CaseCloseted, @AnUnrealLife, @WasAboutTime, @JustinGTP, @bornuniquewont, @Depfox, and especially @areyousuprised “Randy”.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I am surprised....
While on Facebook, my 34 yr old nephew, Michael, sent me a messege stating the following:
To all of my @Twitter friends and all of the people that have read my blog, thank you very much. If you have not seen my video as of yet, you can do so here: http://youtu.be/cakb2PySEKo
On a bright note, my video has helped a 13 yo teenage boy admit to his Uncle (my friend) and his parents that he is gay and that he WAS considering suicide, but not after watching my video that his uncle showed to him. He wanted to talk to me, so I went to his Uncle's and talked with him for over 3 hrs and when he told his folks, he wanted me there with him for support. His parents have accepted his lifestyle with opened arms no matter what.
Well that is it for this posting, I will be posting another in about 2 - 3 days possibly, keep watching.......
Gary
"I watched the video. I support what your doing!! Keep up the good work and helping kids in those situations. I could only imagine how hard it is for them. I think you have a good message to give for these kids that hurt so much! Proud of you uncle Gary!!!"
This one statement means so much to me and it has brightened up my week. and he is the first male relative that has heard that I am gay, say "
This one statement means so much to me and it has brightened up my week. and he is the first male relative that has heard that I am gay, say "
Love you. Call me anytime you need to talk. Day or night, I'll be here!" I was almost in tears, just imagine a 43 yr old man crying because he is so happy.
The other thing that I am surprised about is that my blog has been seen in the following countries:
The other thing that I am surprised about is that my blog has been seen in the following countries:
United States
|
84
|
Australia
|
11
|
Russia
|
9
|
Canada
|
6
|
Germany
|
1
|
France
|
1
|
Japan
|
1
|
To all of my @Twitter friends and all of the people that have read my blog, thank you very much. If you have not seen my video as of yet, you can do so here: http://youtu.be/cakb2PySEKo
On a bright note, my video has helped a 13 yo teenage boy admit to his Uncle (my friend) and his parents that he is gay and that he WAS considering suicide, but not after watching my video that his uncle showed to him. He wanted to talk to me, so I went to his Uncle's and talked with him for over 3 hrs and when he told his folks, he wanted me there with him for support. His parents have accepted his lifestyle with opened arms no matter what.
Well that is it for this posting, I will be posting another in about 2 - 3 days possibly, keep watching.......
Gary
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Telling my mom...... the first person other than my ex
This blog is going to be my way of explaining how I managed to come out of the closet in 1993 to my mom over the phone (I knew she would tan my hide if I did it in person). It was during a time when my employer forced me to accept a new position or lose my job, so I had no choice but to go. I am forever grateful to them for doing so.
It was on a quiet Saturday afternoon when I knew my mom would be home alone and would not have anyone listening in on my phone call to her. And this is how the call went:
Me: Hi Mom, how are you?
Mom: Fine, why are you calling?
Me: I wanted to see how things were with you and (My stepdad) and to see if we could talk
Mom: Well yes we can talk, when are you coming home again, I miss you dearly.
Me: I love you Mom
Mom: Love you too, what's wrong, I hear it in your voice. Did you get in trouble?
Me: No mom, no trouble, just need to talk to you about something serious is all
Mom: Well get it out, I don't have all day (mind you, it was her day off)
Me: Mom would you be mad at me if I turned out differently than you wanted me to
Mom: No, your my son and will always be.
Me: Mom, you know how you want me to get married and have a family and kids
Mom: Yes and it better happen soon
Me: Mom, it is not going to happen here in Texas or any where else unless I adopt kids because I will never be able to have kids
Mom: Why is that, unless you are sterile
Me: No mom, I am not sterile
Mom: Then what, are you one of those filthy "fags" that should never be allowed to live
Me: Mom why are you so negative toward people that are gay
Mom: God did not put people on this planet to sleep with their own kind, he put them here to multiply and make his planet a place where people could live as families not in sin
This is where it went south
Me: Mom, do you still love me
Mom: If you are telling me that you are a "fag" the answer is "NO"
Me: Then I will never hear you say that you love me any more after this phone call then because MOM, I am gay and was until recently in a relationship for a year.
Mom: You make me sick, you need to get right, you have an illness or something because I did not give birth to a deformed child that is gay. All my children are straight as an arrow and will have families.
She got quiet for about 5 minutes and then said "Never call me, never write me, if I want to contact you I will" And if we do ever talk again, we are to never discuss this or your lifestyle ever again.
At that moment she hung up the phone and did not speak to me for a full 6 months and when she did she asked if I was still gay and when I said happily, she hung up the phone.
She did eventually lose some of her anger but I never did discuss my life with her (basically went back into the closet when talking to or being around her). None of my other family members ever found out until I told one of my sisters the day after mom was buried next to my oldest sister.
Since then, I have managed to tell more people that I am gay and some have accepted with open arms and others, well, let's just say that i am better off without them. I will continue this blog with another posting sometime soon once I have enough courage to do it again. This is bringing it all back to me, and I was never able to tell my dad that I was gay because I knew it would kill him. Miss you mom and dad love you both.
It was on a quiet Saturday afternoon when I knew my mom would be home alone and would not have anyone listening in on my phone call to her. And this is how the call went:
Me: Hi Mom, how are you?
Mom: Fine, why are you calling?
Me: I wanted to see how things were with you and (My stepdad) and to see if we could talk
Mom: Well yes we can talk, when are you coming home again, I miss you dearly.
Me: I love you Mom
Mom: Love you too, what's wrong, I hear it in your voice. Did you get in trouble?
Me: No mom, no trouble, just need to talk to you about something serious is all
Mom: Well get it out, I don't have all day (mind you, it was her day off)
Me: Mom would you be mad at me if I turned out differently than you wanted me to
Mom: No, your my son and will always be.
Me: Mom, you know how you want me to get married and have a family and kids
Mom: Yes and it better happen soon
Me: Mom, it is not going to happen here in Texas or any where else unless I adopt kids because I will never be able to have kids
Mom: Why is that, unless you are sterile
Me: No mom, I am not sterile
Mom: Then what, are you one of those filthy "fags" that should never be allowed to live
Me: Mom why are you so negative toward people that are gay
Mom: God did not put people on this planet to sleep with their own kind, he put them here to multiply and make his planet a place where people could live as families not in sin
This is where it went south
Me: Mom, do you still love me
Mom: If you are telling me that you are a "fag" the answer is "NO"
Me: Then I will never hear you say that you love me any more after this phone call then because MOM, I am gay and was until recently in a relationship for a year.
Mom: You make me sick, you need to get right, you have an illness or something because I did not give birth to a deformed child that is gay. All my children are straight as an arrow and will have families.
She got quiet for about 5 minutes and then said "Never call me, never write me, if I want to contact you I will" And if we do ever talk again, we are to never discuss this or your lifestyle ever again.
At that moment she hung up the phone and did not speak to me for a full 6 months and when she did she asked if I was still gay and when I said happily, she hung up the phone.
She did eventually lose some of her anger but I never did discuss my life with her (basically went back into the closet when talking to or being around her). None of my other family members ever found out until I told one of my sisters the day after mom was buried next to my oldest sister.
Since then, I have managed to tell more people that I am gay and some have accepted with open arms and others, well, let's just say that i am better off without them. I will continue this blog with another posting sometime soon once I have enough courage to do it again. This is bringing it all back to me, and I was never able to tell my dad that I was gay because I knew it would kill him. Miss you mom and dad love you both.
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