My Past, Present and Where I am...

My Path to who I am….

Being the youngest of eight children raised by one parent is hard enough, but being the only gay child makes it even harder. Living in Southeast Texas in an all-white town that pretty much had a church everywhere you looked (churches outnumbered convenient stores and still do) is hard if you are gay because of the fact that you would not be accepted as to who you really are.

I had to grow up most of my teen years in fear that someone would find out that I was gay because I was hearing people talk about how and what they would do to someone that was gay. All throughout school, I had to hide who I was, and it hurt a lot knowing that I was not allowed to be myself. I did have a relationship with someone a few grades higher than me, but it was in secrecy and only lasted until he moved away.

In 1983, I had reached a point in my life that I was tired of all of the bullying because I did not play sports, participate in any extra-curricular activities, or because they “thought”, I was gay and was going to kill myself. On the day that I was going to take my own life, someone that I thought would never talk to me because they were the class president and very popular, came up to me in the hallway and started talking to me about how we needed to talk. We went to a quiet part of campus where he began to tell me that he knew something was not right and wanted to know what it was. I told him that I did not know what he was talking about, but he stopped me and said, “Listen here, if you take your own life, you will not only be hurting those that love you but everyone else as well because your life is too important to end like that.” I told him that he was mistaken, but I could tell in his face that he knew what I was planning. I broke down crying, he held me and told me to let it all out, and that everything would be ok. He promised to never tell anyone about what we discussed, and to this day, I still believe he has kept that a secret.

After that moment in my life, I became more sociable, got involved with football, track as a student trainer, and ended up getting a Letterman’s jacket my senior year. I will always be thankful to Andy (not his real name) for what he did for me that one day in 1983.

Here it is 2011 and I have had some relationships that have not lasted, but who hasn’t had that happen to them, I am working in a great state, have great friends and “adopted” family members, as I do not have much interaction with my family as they all live in another state. The family members that do know that I am gay do not have a problem with it, but the rest do. It meant the world to me to get a call from my nephew (who is 34 now) telling me that he loved me and that I will always be his Uncle, no matter what. However, I am not happy when I should be because I know that I am missing something in my life. Despite that, I know that one day I will find what is missing and will love that someone with all my heart, because I do know that “IT GETS BETTER” and that things will improve.

So if you are reading this and you are a teen that is considering drastic measures, please talk to someone or send me a message and I will listen to you. In addition, if you are not a teen, it goes for you as well. I know this as much as I know my name is Gary Patton, who resides in Southern California. I am proud to be a GAY male in the United States of America, and that is who I am. As for my adopted family, I love you all for accepting me as who I am, I may not be black like you, but you make feel as if I am a member of your black family and will be always. To my real family, love you too. Love you mom and dad as you look down upon me from heaven.

I would like to thank some people who I consider friends from twitter: @CodyRay0720, @essence1971, @OnMyWayOut22 “Jonny”, @unextr “Todd”, @aRealBen, @spdougan, @Strooper1, @canthisberight, @wbent1, @norcalj, @x1Prince “Marcus”, @1234coolcody “Cody”, and @whoami2you for their support - guys you have supported me without even knowing it - Thank you.

The following people are also considered friends and have given me some extra encouragement and support that has given me the strength to work on this blog and my YouTube channel http://youtu.be/cakb2PySEKoand I would like to send a special Thank you to them: @nmcb7433 “Andrew”, @Sam87L“Sam”, @brandonshire1 “Brandon”, @justin_jboogie “Justin”, @Strathius, @CaseCloseted, @AnUnrealLife, @WasAboutTime, @JustinGTP, @bornuniquewont, @Depfox, and especially @areyousuprised “Randy”.