Telling my mom...... the first person other than my ex

This blog is going to be my way of explaining how I managed to come out of the closet in 1993 to my mom over the phone (I knew she would tan my hide if I did it in person).  It was during a time when my employer forced me to accept a new position or lose my job, so I had no choice but to go.  I am forever grateful to them for doing so.

It was on a quiet Saturday afternoon when I knew my mom would be home alone and would not have anyone listening in on my phone call to her.  And this is how the call went:

Me: Hi Mom, how are you?
Mom: Fine, why are you calling?
Me: I wanted to see how things were with you and (My stepdad) and to see if we could talk
Mom: Well yes we can talk, when are you coming home again, I miss you dearly.
Me: I love you Mom
Mom: Love you too, what's wrong, I hear it in your voice. Did you get in trouble?
Me: No mom, no trouble, just need to talk to you about something serious is all
Mom: Well get it out, I don't have all day (mind you, it was her day off)
Me: Mom would you be mad at me if I turned out differently than you wanted me to
Mom: No, your my son and will always be.

Me: Mom, you know how you want me to get married and have a family and kids
Mom: Yes and it better happen soon

Me: Mom, it is not going to happen here in Texas or any where else unless I adopt kids because I will never be able to have kids
Mom: Why is that, unless you are sterile

Me: No mom, I am not sterile
Mom: Then what, are you one of those filthy "fags" that should never be allowed to live
Me: Mom why are you so negative toward people that are gay
Mom: God did not put people on this planet to sleep with their own kind, he put them here to multiply and make his planet a place where people could live as families not in sin

This is where it went south

Me: Mom, do you still love me
Mom: If you are telling me that you are a "fag" the answer is "NO"
Me: Then I will never hear you say that you love me any more after this phone call then because MOM, I am gay and was until recently in a relationship for a year.
Mom: You make me sick, you need to get right, you have an illness or something because I did not give birth to a deformed child that is gay. All my children are straight as an arrow and will have families.

She got quiet for about 5 minutes and then said "Never call me, never write me, if I want to contact you I will"  And if we do ever talk again, we are to never discuss this or your lifestyle ever again.

At that moment she hung up the phone and did not speak to me for a full 6 months  and when she did she asked if I was still gay and when I said happily, she hung up the phone.

She did eventually lose some of her anger but I never did discuss my life with her (basically went back into the closet when talking to or being around her).  None of my other family members ever found out until I told one of my sisters the day after mom was buried next to my oldest sister.

Since then, I have managed to tell more people that I am gay and some have accepted with open arms and others, well, let's just say that i am better off without them.  I will continue this blog with another posting sometime soon once I have enough courage to do it again. This is bringing it all back to me, and I was never able to tell my dad that I was gay because I knew it would kill him.  Miss you mom and dad love you both.